Pamela, a little planet, told us how she found out the sex of her baby. A whirlwind of emotions and reflections on the beauty of being women and mothers.
[…] Classic check-up by my gynecologist. I enter his studio and I see it as strange and he confirms (thanks to a previous confidence over the years of course) that for personal problems it was not a beautiful day. While we are doing the control echo, for the first time he lets slip “And you really are a beautiful sissy”.
I am speechless and it escapes me to say “I did not want to know” but I was so happy with the news that I jump off the bed and hug him very tightly. He apologizes in all languages saying that unfortunately he had forgotten. I say it doesn’t matter. The echo continues and I see his face change expression and he begins to grumble an alarming “oh oh”. I ask him “are you all right?” She didn’t know how to tell me … she looks at me and announces “forgive me Pamela this has never happened to me in my whole life, but I don’t think she is female … her legs were closed and she looked just like a coffee bean …. wait check better”.
15 minutes checking him in the most hidden meanders hoping to be wrong, but he makes a freeze frame and tells me “99% is a male” … And I saw the sex clearly too. He reacted with a laugh because he was extremely mortified for forgetting that I didn’t want to know and for giving me false hope. I said it was okay … I would get a female kitten to try to balance the female components at home. I decide not to say anything to anyone (except my husband). I caress her belly and a tear struggles to hold back .. And I speak with the knowledge that my little Cassandra is not there and never will be.
It hurts because the phrases “the important thing to be healthy” are just circumstance bullshit .. I know what the important things are but the disappointment of not being able to buy pink skirts and dresses remains. Not being able to teach you how complicated it is to be a woman but how much satisfaction you can get in affirming your identity. Not being able to accompany you one day (if you ever want to get married) to choose that dress that is so important to us women.
The emotion one day of having a baby … feeling him grow inside you and give him life. How much we women definitely have an edge over, how tremendously difficult, but wonderfully beautiful to be WOMEN. I will not be able to live it and this in a small corner of my heart will remain a sorrow. I leave the studio and see my little prince in her arms with my mom playing and as soon as I call him he turns and runs towards me calling me Mom and hugs me tightly.
There I think my task will double in a few months: to raise two boys who will become two men .. two real men who are happy and can respect all the women they will meet in their life … a task that is not simple but that I will do with everything mom’s heart …
Hi Cassandra and Welcome Flavio Francesco!