Do women find it more difficult to manage their relationship with daughters perhaps due to an unconscious rivalry?
When a girl is born it is the right time to come to terms with the relationship with her mother in order to be able to re-establish it on a more mature basis.
The one between mother and daughter it is therefore a complicated relationship in all stages of a child’s growth.
At birth, the baby should embody all the ideals of the mother and meet her expectations. It may remind her of aspects of herself that have never been accepted and this is the biggest disappointment. Some research shows that unlike boys, girls are breastfed for a shorter time and are therefore weaned earlier. A sense of abandonment may emerge in the little one.
Around the age of 12-13, the daughter discovers sexuality and feels the need to distance herself from the mother who until then has been a model for her. The first menstruation and femininity continues its development, the mother’s comments will mark her destiny. A mother should make her daughter understand that the onset of the cycle marks the transition from child to woman without however announcing the news to all relatives and friends. It is equally helpful to inform the daughter about contraceptive methods however the choice concerning the daughter does not necessarily have to be communicated to the mother.
A teenager prefers to talk about sexuality with her friends of the same age. Another critical moment is the first falling in love at which point the sexual dimension really enters the house and the daughter could also ask questions about how a love relationship is to be understood beyond sexuality. If the mother relies solely on her life story she makes a mistake: times have changed and giving answers in a society like ours is not easy. Perhaps the best thing is to mediate between common sense, life experience and always maintain an open and sincere dialogue. Then when the daughter becomes a mother in turn, then the dialogue with her mother reopens, which needs to be set on other more solid and mature bases.
The risk of misunderstandings is always around the corner, especially if the grandmother tries to impose herself on the granddaughter’s education by not respecting the wishes of the parents. The role of the partner is fundamental because it can mediate any conflicts between mother-in-law and wife. Some women unconsciously have a child just to oppose the mother to make her feel aged and undermine the sense of omnipotence. The arrival of a child allows a woman to detach herself from a mother who is perhaps too present and suffocating and move towards greater independence.
Finally, it is right to consider the point of view of one’s mother but without being excessively influenced as it is necessary for every woman to mature her own ideas and beliefs! Maybe over time you will have to change your mind and take into consideration the point of view from the mother, however, she will have to get involved and live emotions and situations without prejudice! Life is a constant surprise in which no one is identical to another and even events never have the same evolution.