Phrases to avoid with children: the educator explains what are the effects of toxic phrases that parents say to their children without thinking
Phrases to avoid with children
Words have always had weight, a fundamental importance for civil life in society which, if not dosed with the right attention, can do much more harm than a slap in the face.
Anger often leads us to use such offensive terms and expressions towards others, which appear to be dictated more from the moment that the actual perception we have of those around us.
When we have children or adolescents in front of us, it is our job to pay close attention to what we say, and how we say it, even though we had a decidedly bad day.
Phrases that humiliate and should not be said
Every insult, even what seems to us to be something of little significance, even the smallest exclamation or personal outburst when referring to a child or adolescent can mark and leave a trace.
We know how much our way of being influences a lot the education of our children. They assimilate our moods and our mood. In fact, we may not always appear smiling and happy to their eyes if we have received a fine, an injustice or a reprimand in the workplace. In short, pretending is not part of the parenting role.
Phrases such as “you are not capable”, “you are incompetent”, “you can’t do anything”. These lead the child, but also the adolescent (if used to hearing them) to have a completely wrong perception of himself. Not being able to do something automatically generates the abandonment to perform that particular task, and triggers a real self-conviction. On the contrary, there are some children and young people who experience these reproaches as a sort of challenge to their parents and base their growth on wanting to demonstrate that they can carry out that task. However, this still generates a conflictual relationship based on “I’ll show you what I am able to do”, without creating a deep bond based on cooperation and trust on the part of the adult, leaving the child free to make mistakes, but ensuring that fundamental presence able to intervene if needed.
Toxic phrases to avoid
Anything that has to do with insults, bad language it is certainly to be considered as “toxic phrases”. The bad word, we know well, is sometimes meaningless words that have the power to reinforce a concept. In itself it has no linguistic value, so it could very well be done without! In many families they are commonplace and are often pronounced in the direction of the children. Furthermore, those are to be considered harmful phrases that tend to repress or block emotions: “even if you cry I don’t care”, “but what do you have to be afraid of?” or “getting angry is useless”. Emotions are a bit like our identity card to introduce ourselves to the world. They have been part of us since we were born and have accompanied us throughout our life. They allow us to live with others and manage ourselves in the best possible way. To curb any emotion in the child leads him not to recognize fear, anger, but also joy or sadness as fundamental. Understanding, however, why he reacted in that way you have to put us on alert and help him know how to better manage all kinds of emotions
Phrases that parents often say to their children without thinking
It will be the rush of wanting to do a thousand things at the same time or because we are always taken by something that we consider important that we often “talk nonsense” with the children!
That’s right, that’s right, we express sentences without thinking. These are, for example, those phrases that question, in the child, our good towards him: “keep doing it so that I don’t love you anymore!”. How can you even imagine not loving your child? It would seem a nice paradox and yet it is so, there are many parents who use this type of phrase. As is often the case with expressions like “but who made me have children!”. For us they can be idioms, phrases just thrown there without thinking, but for those who listen to us if repeated several times they can hurt, and not a little. We always remember that it is not the children who decide to come into the world!
The effects of toxic phrases on children
What are the effects of toxic phrases that fall on children? Definitely the low self-esteem. Being judged as a slacker, an incompetent, derided because a task has not been completed generates low self-esteem in the subject and little awareness of oneself and one’s abilities.
Other than that, the baby might close in on oneself, to become reserved, to have fear of forming relationships fundamental for fear of undergoing the same treatment. It is as if a voice in his mind tells him “your parents don’t believe in you, how can you think of trusting others?”.
On the contrary, there are children and adolescents who, having constantly suffered insults and reproaches, carry out the opposite behavior: they create their own armor and with adults live a constant challenge.
Positive phrases to increase self-esteem in children
Even on “no” days is always it is important to encourage children, to encourage them to do something, even if the result will not be perfect. Accompany them in their growth with a smile, with trust that we place towards them is essential to give them the security they need.
Let’s clarify that the reproach, obviously, there must be, but it is up to us to know how to manage it in the best way without going so low as to utter phrases that we can then regret, or worse still, never regret.