The birth of a child is a “surprising” and “overwhelming” experience that puts a strain on the well-being of the couple of new parents
Going into crisis after a child
Although you have prepared yourself by reading books, attending courses, asking for information from those who have already lived this experience, the birth of a child is a “surprising” and “overwhelming” experience that puts a strain on the well-being of the new-parent couple. .
In the transition from “two” to “three” the couple relationship is meant for change, balances and well-established agreements will falter and the family will be forced to find new ones more suited to the new situation that has arisen. The best way to prepare for what’s to come is to know what lies ahead.
The Dr. Luigi Mastronardi, Psychologist-Psychotherapist, Wellness Psychology Expert, Director of the School of Specialization in Dynamic Short Psychotherapy, authorized by MIUR.
Changes in sleep habits
A first obvious change, but no less dramatic, is that with the birth of a child, you are no longer just a couple: you have now become parents (irreversibly!). To begin with, from the moment the little one sets foot inside the house, it will upset your daily habits, starting with the sleep-wake rhythm. It may happen that in the first months of your baby’s life you have to cope with not being able to get enough sleep. There are children who immediately seem to understand that Mom and Dad’s night sleep is something to be respected and spend most of the night sleeping peacefully. But it can happen that your child is one of those children who sleeps very little, especially at night.
Lack of sleep could make both parents particularly irritable and make them feel difficult to cope with the chores of daily life (going to work, doing housework, etc.), as they are too tired or unable to concentrate. Then, the sensation of not having enough time to devote to work (at home or away), to yourself, to your partner.
The arrival of a baby can give rise to unexpected jealousies. Sometimes the new father has feelings of jealousy towards the little one because the latter seems to absorb all the physical and mental energies of his partner; he may feel excluded and little considered in this new family situation, in which it seems to him that the attention is all for the newcomer and he has only the crumbs left. Or he may feel jealous of his mother, who usually has the privilege of being able to spend more time with the baby and take better care of him. It is important to know that the presence of these feelings is not only frequent but completely physiological when the family structure changes so drastically.
Physical changes after pregnancy
It’s not easy for mom either to adapt to the new situation. Physically, he still doesn’t feel ‘right’. Pregnancy may have left a few extra pounds, signs of fatigue can be seen on the face due to constant care of the baby and night feedings. It is likely that the new mother feel physically unattractive. Some women find it difficult to reconcile the new role of mother with that of a woman and a loss of interest in sexual relations is frequent in the first weeks of a child’s life, which must be taken care of in order not to end up in the classic white marriage.
The family routine is upset
A further element destined to upset your family routine is given by the incessant visits of relatives and friends who can’t wait to congratulate you and meet the new born. It is certainly a behavior dictated by the affection towards you and towards the new born, but sometimes for the new parents it can be really heavy and tiring also to face the task of receiving and entertaining many people at a time. in which just dealing with daily needs seems to be something beyond their reach.
Diversity of views
Eventually, you may realize that you and your partner have some different ideas on how a newborn should be raisedFor example, you may find that one of you believes that it is right to intervene immediately as soon as the baby shows signs of discomfort, while the other believes that it is better to let him cry a little before intervening. There may then arise discussions on topics never felt like a problem before, e.g. about those who work more or have more responsibilities at home. Don’t overlook these signs of discomfort; if not addressed, these issues can have very negative influences on the well-being of your couple. When you realize that something is wrong, sit down and talk about it.
How the life of a couple changes after a child
In short, undoubtedly the birth of the long-awaited baby boy brings a lot of joy and emotion, but also a load of fears, fatigue, misunderstanding that …