Anger is a communication tool. Here’s how to manage anger in children and how to understand it
How to manage anger in children
All parents have been through it. You stroll along the street pleasantly and suddenly the child begins to have tantrums (“buy me?”, “I’m tired” “I want ice cream” etc ..) which soon transcend into real hysterias to which they do not we know how to react. How to manage anger in children?
For how many times we have been through it we will never get used to it. When children begin to throw a tantrum, the Zen attitude and the advice read and reread in the pedagogy manuals magically disappear, giving way to discouragement and frustration.
To help parents who have to face daily whims of their young children a manual arrives in the bookstore, entitled ‘Let him get angry. Understanding and dealing with your 3 to 13 year olds’ anger (Sperling & Kupfer) signed by Francesca Broccoli, mother of a 20-month-old baby who is fully entering the phase of the terrible twos and psychologist and psychotherapist from Bologna.
Francesca is a true expert. For years, in fact, he has been organizing courses for parents to help them manage anger in their children and deals with the treatment of children’s emotional distress and his book deals with a topic that is very much felt by many parents: what to do when children have fits of anger? Is it normal or not and you need to worry?
Listen to the podcast on dealing with children’s anger
How to manage the emotion of anger in children?
He answers in the podcast under Paola Sperandeo, Clinical Psychologist of GuidaPsicologi.it
In this article
Anger management in children
The first thing to know is that anger is a feeling that has always existed in children. And the classics scenes they are not a novelty of the last generations:
In my opinion, children have always done them, especially in some stages of development, such as the 2-3 years: the famous ‘no phase’, in which the child has to go through a moment of opposition, which is part of his growth. Then maybe in different times the parents asked themselves fewer questions
explains the psychologist.
And again, let’s not take it personally. The expert explains that she often meets parents who in the face of their children’s anger crises feel diminished, failed, but in reality we must avoid these thoughts.
Anger attacks in children
But what are the causes of anger in children? The psychologist explains that there can be many triggers for anger in children:
- an education that is too severe or permissive,
- traumatic events,
- sudden changes,
- family tensions,
- contradictory behavioral patterns.
In short, it is important to go to the bottom and question what are the possible causes of anger in children, also to help them manage these feelings.
So here it is three tips from the psychologist
- Consider your child’s anger not as a destructive feeling, but as a communicative signal from the child
- Keep calm, even if it is difficult. Impossible and unrealistic to have a stoic behavior, but to be aware that children imitate us, observe us and absorb our feelings, so if they see us irritable and nervous these feelings affect them
- We are human and we can make mistakes: episodes of anger can happen to us too, as long as we recover